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Language & Mirrors

by Kristen Rae Bowden

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1.
I’ve been waiting for this moment to arrive And I’ve been watching you with my objective eye Waiting for a change to come And I’ve been waiting for hurt feelings to subside Feelings black and blue, like bruises on the inside Waiting for a change to come And it came, it came A part of me never thought it would But I kept the faith, and it came And how I love your name To say it each and every day Now I’ve been repaid, cause it came All the stories that the people will relay Are of endless times it didn’t happen this way They say, people never Change Won’t Come But it came, it came A part of me never thought it would But I kept the faith, and it came And how I love your name To say it each and every day Now I’ve been repaid, cause it came Oh my anger is a fire in the trees And your love it is the rain Yes my anger is a fire in the trees And your love is like the rain The deepest truth’s I love you as you are born of chaos, you’re the shining star A miracle to me you are And it came, it came A part of me never thought it would But I kept the faith, and it came And how I love your name To say it each and every day Now I’ve been repaid, cause it came And it came, it came A part of me never thought it would But I kept the faith, and it came And how I love your name To say it each and every day Now I’ve been repaid, cause it came
2.
Mama thinks I’m crazy, mama Mama thinks I’m mad She doesn’t understand the reasons that I’ve always had Mama thinks I’m crazy mama Mama thinks I’m mad She doesn’t understand me and you know, she never has Oh I know she loves me even though she knows I’m mad But every time I trot around the globe it makes her sad Daddy was a sailor and you know she should have known That just like him her children would be driven just to roam Gotta go as far as the wind will take me I’ve gotta go as far as that old wind will take me My sister is a fairy, yes and me, I am a witch But when we go out in our capes you can’t tell which is which Oh l like my bare feet to be stampin’ in the mud And soil from all over this earth feels good to my blood Gotta go as far as the wind will take me I’ve gotta go as far as that old wind will take me No I won’t apologize for being what I am And I don’t care if anybody ever understands I was born to wander, oh I feel it in my heart Let go of me, I beg of you, of this I want no part Mama thinks I’m crazy mama Mama thinks I’m mad She doesn’t understand the reasons that I’ve always had Mama drives me crazy mama Mama drives me mad Let go of me, I beg of you, I simply won’t be had Gotta go as far as the wind will take me I’ve gotta go as far as that old wind will take me
3.
You make me wish my heart were black like yours Black as a moonless night in pouring rain Black as the deepest of the ocean’s depths I always knew that you would bring me pain But my heart’s open as a summer’s breeze I have my youth and my stupidity I wouldn’t trade them for the very world, And yet for you I would trade anything Oh it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense No it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense You make me wish my heart were black like yours So I might come to be some match for you You lie with pleasure and I lap it up But I’m not stupid oh I see through you You treat me mean when you don’t like yourself You know I don’t deserve those lies you tell And still I let you call yourself my man I wanna leave but I don’t think I can Oh it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense Why I love you so much, you know it doesn’t make sense Oh I stay and I stay, and it doesn’t make sense And I let you get away with it, it doesn’t make sense
4.
Yellow moon on the rise And the desert in your eyes Cadillac against the plane Shooting stars through the window pane Make it last Forever Please Feels like Bonnie and Clyde Goin’ on our last ride We both know this is the way Oh but no one wants to say, so just Make it last Forever Please You can feel the nearing end Seeping into your skin And you want to make it last Try to sip away the time Like a velvet glass of wine But its always gone too fast On a stretch of open road You and I could feel so close And I held your leathered hand Tried to save the moment and, just Make it last Forever Please You can see the waning tide In the corners of your eyes And you want to make it stay But to enjoy the moonlit night You must forget the coming time When we’ll go our separate ways
5.
I’m tired of watching you run I’m tired of watching you run away Tired of watching you run I’m tired of watching you run away Problems will come as they come Problems will come then they’ll go away Problems will come as they come And I’m tired of watching you run away You can say you weren’t driving, if that’s how you feel But I see you baby, your hands are on the wheel And you can say you weren’t running, if that’s what you want But your feet sure were racing each other to the front And you can say you weren’t leaving when you left me alone But I remember being the only one at home And you can say it didn’t happen, like you weren’t there But I saw you baby you were acting like you didn’t care About me Not everything can be fun You can’t always go for the easy way Not everything can be fun And I’m tired of watching you run away If you sit at the table for long enough honey Eventually you’re gonna have to show me your money If you keep seeing my face and raising your bets You might want to wonder what I’m thinking in my head Cause I won’t be persuaded that this is just a game Because I’ve seen it in your eyes that you and I are the same So if you’re still at the table, and you’ve thrown in your heart You’re gonna have to show me your fuckin cards Show me your fuckin cards. Come on over here, I want to show you my beating heart Show you my beating heart, I wear it on my sleeve. Come on over here, I want to show you my beating heart Show you my beating heart. Are you too scared to see it? Oh I’ve been holding it together for far too long Together I’ve been holding it together for far too long Together, oh
6.
Solid Ground 04:44
Well the summer’s gone and so are you And there is nothing more that I can do Gonna turn around and face the wind Try and make my soul come home again (Bring it on home, I am alone) Oh my heart like the fallin’ maple leaves With you I’m always on my knees Oh gravity ‘gon pull me down I’m aching for some solid ground Have we waited too long Have we waited too long Have we waited too long To change Is it too sad a song Is the letter too long Have we waited too long To change Oh I can’t hold on for all the letting go Heaven knows we’ve still got dreams unsewn But I can’t let go for all the holding on So I’ll wait for you like I wait for dawn (All night long) Oh my heart like the fallin’ maple leaves With you I’m always on my knees Oh gravity ‘gon pull me down I’m aching for some solid ground Have we waited too long Have we waited too long Have we waited too long To change Is it too sad a song Is the letter too long Have we waited too long To change
7.
8.
We used to sleep in the wet grass by accident, accident We used to stay up all night long on the mountain Party on the mountain And summer spent in the river, lazy driftin’ My sweet friend We knew then we were so set, pass the bowl, friend Don’t get the pot wet We would wake the next morning still in the same clothes And we’d look for our car keys, and drive home And tell a lie to our parents about where we had been Sleep it off and do the whole thing all over again Remember waking up early in the wet dew Beside you Whenever we woke up shiverin’ we’d watch the sunrise On the mountain Oh now the mountain is different How I miss you, my sweet friend But what a gift I’ve been given I found a lover on the mountain One day we’ll go back there, together I hope And I’ll remember my family and the old songs I wrote Maybe we can sleep outside, underneath the stars, Only this time with a blanket, and each others arms You make me feel free and easy Like the summer, when we were younger. One day we’ll find a cabin There’ll be a party on the mountain There’ll be a party On the mountain
9.
Honey Bee 04:32
I can tell from the way my skin feels that it’s getting burned I can tell from your face, you think I’m speaking out of turn I’m so lost in this silly circle, I can’t even see Until I find in my gaze a lost and lonely honey bee Do you ever feel like the star in someone else’s play When single moments seem so dramatic in every single way Unseen directors are watching, planning, every small detail Whoever you are, you’re brilliant. But you know me much too well And just as I feel my mind caught in this round-a-bout I watch the poor honey bee turn circles on the ground The burning white concrete is no place for honey bees Looking at him, I feel so guilty, cause I think he’s there just for me To see Do you ever feel like your life is written like a book Complete with allusions, symbols, signs and catchy hooks I wonder who knows me well enough to write my heart Maybe only my honey bee has been with me from the start
10.
I am so tired of questions and fools Of Language and Mirrors And minding the rules Turns out I’m only an artist inside And I need some release but there’s Nowhere to hide in this Room without walls Skeleton, no closet If only I could just let go of this tightening Place in my chest I need rest, though I’m rested There’s space everywhere, but my space lies Untested. And I’m breaking my own heart By speaking this truth: It isn’t about you. It isn’t about you! And why must you always flip flop it that way? You read me back my own story, as if I’ve nothing to say And you’ve changed all the points And you star in my play And I am so tired Of this life that I wished for I’m loving your back, as you Walk out the door And I’m writing this song and it’s Brilliant. Dazzling! To be played for no one, cause who is it for? It’s for me, and goddammit, I’m gonna write more of ‘em More songs for no one but me and the wind And the sky and the ocean can listen if they wish to Cause they will keep quiet, like my only friends And I’m breaking my own heart And throwing out pieces that I never wanted And that I can’t keep and I know that you see me Sifting through the diamonds of broken glass, Cutting me, setting me free It isn’t about you It isn’t about you, as much as I Wanted it always to be And it’s great that it’s my fault I did it. I did it! I’m never the victim, just stupid and free
11.
Time is passing strangely in this little house of glass And we’re dead upon the water, like a ship without a mast As a wise man with a mustache once explained to us with math All the good times pass so quickly, while the hard times seem to last And I have found this to be true Especially, my dear, with you. Like two fishies out of water, or two birdies stuck on land We are tethered to each other, confused lovers, hand in hand Though we try to use our mirrored pasts to help us understand The other one, The reflection’s always backwards, and compassion comes undone ‘Cause I’m my father’s daughter and he’s his daddy’s son. How the space between us changes though we’re standing oh so still I am sure that you still love me, but I’m also sure you will still go away, Perhaps today. And I will wish, for you to stay. Like two bandits who are running with the stolen gold in hand I’m afraid to be your woman, you’re afraid to be my man We are tethered to each other, like two thieves we understand That as we run, There’s a certain trap before us, like a warmly loaded gun, ‘Cause I’m my father’s daughter, and you’re your daddy’s son. When I get to feeling awful about the way we stand In a flight of healing memory I see us there, hand in hand Crying quietly together, as the temple burned on land Paying respect to our fathers, who we’ll never see again. And that was love, true as can be. Me holding you, you holding me. Like two narcissistic children we are prone to fight and yell And all the things that make this heaven, are the same ones that make it hell It’s a paradox of opposites attracting, just for fun, But we fell in love, and now it’s done. We fell in love, ‘Cause I’m my father’s daughter and he’s his daddy’s son.

credits

released November 9, 2018

Copyright 2018 Kristen Rae Bowden. All rights reserved.
All tracks written and produced by Kristen Rae Bowden
Recorded at The Sound in Charlottesville, VA
Engineered by Mark Graham
Additional Engineering by Rob Evans at Haunted Hollow, Charlottesville VA
*Guitar Solos by Landon Fishburne recorded at Rapunzel's in Lovingston, VA, Engineered by Gabriel Taylor
*Synths Recorded by Kristen Rae Bowden in her living room
Mixed by Micah Wilshire in Nashville, TN
Mastered by UE Nastasi at Sterling Sound
Photography: Laura Dillon Rogers Photography
Graphics and Layout: Sarah Webb at Reform Design Collective

Special Thanks to: Sam Cushman, Tim Castellani, Reed Dibeler, Amy LeeLani and Richard Bowden, Nate Brown, Tevis Marshall, Andy Waldeck, Joe Lawlor, and my sweet Mom Judith.

Dedicated to Elbert Victor Bowden (Daddy Bert)

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Kristen Rae Bowden Charlottesville, Virginia

The right kind of friction creates glorious sparks. Coursing within the heart and mind of singer-songwriter Kristen Rae Bowden is a beautiful turmoil of tenderness and willfulness. It’s a paradoxical sentiment also evident in her artistic sensibilities. In her upcoming debut, Language and Mirrors, she fluidly, and authentically, inhabits earthy Americana and majestic orchestral rock. ... more

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